Single People and The Mistakes That Makes Them Miserable - Part 4
(The Mistakes of Men)
Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new 2 Corinthians 5:17.
On last month I spoke on some of the mistakes that young women make in relationships, and how that an inborn desire for relationship (marriage) can lead women to put themselves in a position of mistreatment.
But men make mistakes as well. And because our society has so marketed the natural beauty of a woman, men don’t seem to understand quite how to respect, admire and value the office on a woman in an honorable way. This is so unfortunate because I personally do not think that men can rise to the highest pinnacle of joy and fullness in their lives without a woman (wife) to help them. God did not leave Adam alone in the Garden paradise. In fact, He was so concerned with man’s aloneness that He made him a perfect helper. That helper was Eve, a wife taken out of Adam and found in him. Eve was God’s solution to a deep need that God knew man had. We cannot improve on God’s methods.
I believe that men today are so visually oriented that they never give themselves a fair chance to get to know a woman. They can look at a beautiful woman and become so overcome by lust that they drool like an animal. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world 1 John 2:16. I want to let you in on something. God made women to be beautiful and feminine. He made their eyes to sparkle, their hair to blow in the wind, and He put all the curves where they are. He gave them a soft voice and made them exceedingly mysterious. But He didn’t make men lust after women. The world did that. That comes from that other nature; and we need to deal with it.
God made women and men different. Women respond more to words spoken to them. They love to hear sweet things, and they are interested in what is going on with who men are as a person. You see, they know that relationship involves the person. But men are more interested in the physical body. They never consider a woman’s character or personality. All they know is that she is tall, has long hair, light skin and big legs. They don’t know whether or not she has self-control or compassion. Those things aren’t important to him because his life has no substance. He is building nothing of worth or value; no legacy or fortune. His thinking is not vast enough to fathom the complimentary place these virtues have in his life.
I am not suggesting that physical appearance is not important. It certainly is. But it’s not the most important thing, and all too often men tend to let things get out of hand.
The things that make a relationship meaningful and enduring are not looks. But if a woman doesn’t look like a cover girl, men won’t associate with them. Therefore they pass up some terrific women that will at the very least make great friends. Men miss really meaningful friendships with the opposite sex because their minds are always in the gutter. This is unfortunate.
One reason that men want a knockout woman is because they are on an ego trip. They want to impress others. They want people to say they are "macho" or "Playa". It’s like a status symbol. That’s how far men have fallen. We are using our women. We are wearing them like an article of clothing. We use them because we want to be envied by others; we want people to think that we are something when we are nothing (see Galatians 6:3). We’re covering up our emptiness and pain. If we want to be somebody, we need to stop mistreating our women, repent, and let God make a man out of us.
We can’t make it by being selfish. When we disrespect women, we are selfish. All we are thinking about is what she can do for us. What about what you can do for her. She is valuable as a person, not just because she is beautiful. She is a whole person; an intelligent and emotional being designed by God for a special purpose. We need to examine our motivation for wanting a girl who looks so good. It may be lust, and if it is, that’s inappropriate. Nothing good can grow out of lust.
I met my wife in church. I can say of a truth that the things that drew me to her involved her deep spiritual commitment to Christ. That complimented where I was going more than anything. You see, I was going somewhere in Christ. At the time I proposed to her, she was the most gentle and compassionate person I knew. She was genuine and I loved that about her. Looks weren’t the primary thing, but I must admit that she was physically attractive. But her physical features didn’t get in the way of my knowing her spiritually.
Another mistake of men is that we have a very difficult time expressing our feelings. We believe that showing emotion is a sign of weakness. Men are tough; they don’t cry.
The two things about a man that most appeals to a woman are gentleness and compassion. And both of these involve sharing our feelings. Jesus was both gentle and compassionate. He drew people to Him like a magnet. He touched people and cried with them. He cared about people and the people knew it. People know when you are genuine. These women know too. They know when we are no good. The only advantage that men have is being a male. But women are getting sick of it. They are fed up.
Women followed Jesus everywhere. They took care of His needs. They contributed to His ministry and He respected them. He never used women. He never condemned them. He saw the best in them. He communicated with them without any hidden motives. His smile was a real smile; his "yea" was "yea" and his "nay" was "nay". There was never any wondering what was really on his mind. He was a real friend.
Men have a hard time showing feelings. We think is makes us less manly, but in truth, it enhances our masculinity. Tenderheartedness is an enhancement, and if we possess it, we need to show it. Compassion is an enhancement that needs to be displayed. When we show gentleness and kindness, it increases our value and makes us more desirable and attractive. We think it’s the braids, but our hair will pass away. The value is in our true feelings, and the more we let them show, the stronger our manliness is revealed.
I don’t expect any great changes in this tendency in men, but I do hope that men will see the benefits of expressing their feelings more freely.
Yet another mistake of men is that they are afraid of a lifetime commitment. That’s another big difference between men and women. When it comes to a lifetime commitment, women are focused. They are like, "Where is he, bring it on". Even in high school, they are focused and ready to make the sacrifice. But men never make a move. They say things to women because they know what women want to hear, but they never make a move. They are terrified.
Men are also afraid of being rejected. I think that the very thought of failure and rejection turn many men away from commitment. Men will have to be extra sure they won’t get hurt before they consider commitment. Whereas women will risk it, men won’t. They would rather play around because there is no risk to it.
Men are also afraid of responsibility. Men have to give up so much to get married until the thought is overwhelming. They find the financial responsibility too scary. But handling responsibility is what God designed men to do. That’s where the worth of a man is found. Countless men today aren’t worth anything. They haven’t been proven. Men need to stop running and stand your ground. Take responsibility and make a sound commitment. Stand for something meaningful in this life. If we are waiting to feel comfortable about commitment, it won’t happen. We have to trust God and we’ll be OK.
Men want to keep their options open. It’s like the old saying, "Have the cake and eat it". They want a special woman, but they are afraid that if they commit, something better will come along. God didn’t give us the spirit of fear. Replace that fear with faith and watch God work.
Jesus wants to help you with this mentality that you’ve been carrying around for so long. He wants to make you a new creature. I think men have already lost too much time in meaningless pursuits. God has better plans for us. He wants to make us whole and He wants us to be real. Let’s seek Him for help in this vital area of need.
By: Edmund Brown