Single People and The Mistakes That Make Them Miserable - Part 1
But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you Matthew 6:33.
If you are single, I want you to know that God loves you very much. He always has, always will, and He is not about to stop.
Not only does He love you, but He has some wonderful plans for your future. That may sound like a joke because our lives sometimes reflect anything but God’s plans. Bit I believe that if we would learn to trust Him and patiently wait on Him, we would see just how marvelous those plans really are.
The thinking of many of the single people that I speak to, particularly the females, are predominantly on getting married. When they meet a new person, they evaluate that person from the mindset of whether or not he or she is the one. The desire for marriage is normal, but when that thinking dominates us to the extent that we cannot see straight, then it becomes a problem.
We think that marriage is the only normal life, and that by getting married, many of our problems would be solved. So we spend our days in agony, waiting and looking for that one person to deliver us. And that’s all we do. We put our life on hold. We are consumed with finding him or her, and each day we fail is frustrating.
When we go to malls, we are looking. When we go to the movies, we are looking. We think that we cannot even start living until we get married. Therefore, we want to speed things up.
But we can’t speed marriage up. The things that make a marriage strong, like love, commitment, sacrifice and communication, cannot be sped up. They take time to grow and produce. It’s not something shallow and superficial, it’s deep and strong. We have to wait on it, and waiting is difficult; especially for a young person.
And the Lord said, It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him an helpmeet Genesis 2:18. The Message bible says "helper / companion, and the Amplified bible uses the word "complimentary".
What does it mean to compliment someone? The first person that comes to my mind is my wife Lindia. Her actions express my approval and admiration in all I do. Are your actions complimentary? Does your lifestyle express God’s approval?
There is no reason to feel that being single is a lower lifestyle, or that God is unfair if you are not yet married. We must be happy with ourselves as a single person first; otherwise we will experience misery and disappointment in relationships.
"...He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, hoe he may please the Lord: But he that is married careth for the things of the world, hoe he may please his wife 1 Corinthians 7: 32,33. A great advantage of being single is that we can serve God without distractions. Singleness is a great opportunity to really get close to God, and we should take advantage of it.
There are joys and pleasures that can only be shared by married people; therefore there may always be a feeling of aloneness that singles will have to deal with. But there are negatives to be married. I am happily married, but sometimes the responsibilities make me envy singles.
Listen. God did not pick marriage as the number one lifestyle and singleness as second best. Whether married or single, God wants us to serve Him with our whole heart. Mary and Martha were single, yet they served our Lord without distractions. Mary Magdalene was single and so was Dorcas and Lydia. My point is that you do not have to be married to live a normal life.
When we think that marriage is the only normal lifestyle, then we place a heavy responsibility and expectation on marriage. We set ourselves up for disappointment. Every time we meet a new person, we put enormous pressure on them. They may be the most wonderful person in the world, but they cannot possibly meet our unrealistic expectations.
When the desire for marriage consumes us, we make ourselves less attractive. The hidden qualities that make us interesting never come to surface. The marriage message is in our conversation and our body language. We become desperate because marriage is more important to us than anything else.
"Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes Matthew 6: 32,33 Message. Singleness is not a time to live in misery, but a time to give Him our entire attention; to give our whole selves over to what God is doing now. We must be willing to accept that what God is doing now which may not involve marriage plans for us.
Seeking God first means that God is our number one priority. He is first in our thinking and planning. If we do that, then we won’t fall into the trap of thinking that marriage will solve our problems. I believe that a big factor in the high divorce rate and the increase in childhood abuse the unrealistic expectations of newlyweds. They get married anticipating one thing, and when things don’t turn out the way they thought, they want out.
Let me say once again that the desire to be married is normal, and it’s not going to go away. At times that desire may seem overwhelming. But we cannot allow a normal desire to control and consume us.
If you are one of the many youth who believe that marriage will solve their problems, I want you to know that your thinking is wrong. And wrong thinking leads to wrong actions. Wrong actions lead to failure and disappointment.
Listen. Only Jesus can meet our needs. God made it that way on purpose. It you married Prince Charming tomorrow, you would still have needs that only Jesus can fulfill. He alone is perfect, and there is absolutely no way that He could disappoint us. He is truly everything we need.
Very few singles ask God to direct them in a life of singleness. They cannot imagine that life can be meaningful without marriage, so they never consider giving God an opportunity to use them. Singleness is a beautiful life filled with wonderment and favorable chances to progress.
Listen. If its God’s will to use us single, then we are better off than we could be any other way. God can help us right where we are. He can help us see that He alone is all we need.
By: Edmund Brown