Single People and The Mistakes That Make Them Miserable - Part 2
We have been talking about single people, and trying to point out that a normal desire for marriage can become exaggerated to the extent that we are consumed. The God given attraction for the opposite sex becomes distorted, and as a result, we get out of balance and trapped into many problems that God does not want us in.
When we want something very badly but cannot obtain it, we experience frustration. We feel insecure and unhappy, as though we are missing something vital. In the case of marriage, we become impatient and desperate. As a result we over-react to and misinterpret any attention from the opposite sex. If a guy looks at us twice, we think he is sending us a message. If a girl smiles at us, we think she wants to get involved. We are consumed with the hope that this person may be the one to fulfill my fantasy, and we lose contact with who we are.
We cannot enjoy even a normal friendship with the opposite sex because we are so consumed that we misinterpret all their actions. They say one thing and we hear something else. We can’t have a friendly conversation without thinking about romance. We can learn so much by just being friends, but we never get that opportunity because we frighten potential friends away.
Another thing I’ve seen is that women put up with a lot of abuse from no good guys. They want to be in a relationship so bad that they hang on to guys that will never amount to anything. When a guy knows that a girl will put up with his ill treatment, he really brings it on. He doesn’t care how he speaks to her, and often he has several girls that he is treating the same way.
You see, as a woman, you have an emotional need and you’re depending on this guy to supply that need. You are calling it "love", but you need to go on and admit that you’ve gotten yourself involved in a bad relationship. The right thing to do is to get out of it, learn from your mistakes, and don’t do the same thing all over again. The fat lady has sung and the opera is over. If you don’t have respect for yourself, then the guys of this culture definitely won’t.
Listen. If you are involved in a relationship and you’re being treated with disrespect, unkindness and thoughtlessness, that’s a sign that you’ve hung on too long and put up with too much. Marriage is out of the question, because a little mistreatment before marriage only leads to a worse abuse afterwards.
When I met my wife Lindia, I praised the ground she walked on. I was careful what I said to her because I didn’t want to hurt her. I opened the door for her, and every moment I spent with her was special. The first cross word we had was after we got married when I was teaching her to drive. It only happened once because she never got in the car with me again as a student. I bought her a brand new car, but her sister had to teach her to drive it. You see, I made the mistake of raising my voice at her and she wouldn’t put up with it. I had no excuse, and to this day after almost 25 years of marriage, I don’t raise my voice. Even though my neck vein may distend and the pressure may build up in my head, I just go somewhere and pray. Because I’m not going to yell at Lindia.
If you are unhappy with the treatment you are getting in a relationship, have a little respect for yourself and your relationship with Christ and get out of it. It may seem like a hard thing, but you can do it. Something is very wrong when you can’t break off a relationship that should be broken. Something is very wrong when you put up with physical and verbal abuse. Something is very wrong when a woman allows herself to be used by a man who could care less about her or her future. You fear being alone but you can do it. I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me Philippians 4:13.
There are some danger signals in a relationship that I think young people should recognize and respect. The biggest one is getting physically involved too soon, and once involved, going too far. Listen, jumping in bed with a guy or girl will not make them care for you. Even if a couple really cares about one another, they should still restrain themselves. Bible is explicit in mandating that sex be reserved for marriage. There are no exceptions. Unfortunately, there is so much casual sex going on, even among Christian singles, that it is astounding.
Listen. If you truly want to honor Christ and remain sexually pure, it’s very possible for you to succeed. No matter what’s going on around you, you can discipline yourself. Make up your mind that you will minimize physical contact. Watch where you put your hands and where hands are put on you. Keep your legs down and keep yourself covered. It may be a good idea to not show any skin. The mind is creative; once it gets part of an image, it can finish it. The chemistry in our body is very powerful. Once it reaches a certain level, its over.
Another danger in relationships is that single people spend too much unaccountable time alone. "We were alone and didn’t intend for anything to happen, but it just happened." No, it didn’t just happen. You went to a place where you could be alone, and you kept feeding the flame. It worked. Some youth feel like they can handle it. They feel that they know how far to go. They are in trouble already. No person can casually play with fire without eventually getting burned.
"...Now the body is not for fornication, but for the Lord; and the Lord for the body (see 1 Corinthians 6: 12-19). In this section of scripture, Paul warns against sexual immorality (sex outside of the marriage). He uses the simple illustration that God gave us a body primarily to serve Him, not to have sex. The purpose of sex is to have children and to enhance and enrich the marital relationship. In this context, it is a beautiful thing. But it is still not the primary reason we have a body. We can exist and do well without sex, but we can’t make it without God.
This is an area where we need to correct some of our thinking. The world says a man and a woman were made for each other. No. We were made for God. Paul says that we should flee fornication (sex outside of marriage), because other sins are committed against other people. But fornication is a sin against our own body because our body belongs to God.
If you are a Christian, the Holy Spirit doesn’t leave you when you go on a date or when you decide to do your own thing. If you should choose to degrade your body, you drag the Spirit of God through that ordeal. Follow the advise of scripture and "flee fornication", because once its started, it difficult to run.
There was a time when sex outside of marriage was frowned upon in our society. But times have changed. Now if you’re not having sex, you’re weird. But that’s a lie from Satan. What social good does it bring to people besides a temporary relief from lust? Show me one positive statistic. There are none.
Yet there are many facts that support God’s truth that sex outside of marriage is not only immoral, but is both physically and emotionally destructive.
We think that the only requirement for a date is that the person professes to be a Christian. Just because a person says he/she is a Christian doesn’t mean they are automatically compatible with you. We need to seek a person that will enhance our walk with the Lord, and allow our life to be a more effective witness for Christ. We think that anything is better than being alone, so we settle for anything. But believe me, there are worse things.
God wants you to have and enjoy a firm meaningful relationship, but you will have trust Him like never before. He understands the physical and emotional needs that you feel, but His eternal Word continues to prevail over voices of this age. Trust Him with your life today.
By: Edmund Brown